the story of us

mike and i met on august 6th, 1994.

that was 18 years ago.

we have had our share of ups and downs in our 18 years.

maintaining a long distance relationship was the hardest thing we thought we would ever go through.

until infertility.

we thought infertility was the hardest thing we would ever go through.

until post partum depression.

18 years ago, mike was 17 and i was 14.

he was a senior, i was a freshman.

we had a good solid year together, high schoolers, young and in love.

mike left for OU the next year, and we made it 2 years with love letters (no email) and phone cards (no cell phones.)

we took a break for a year or so when i was a senior, dated other people, and then

we picked up where we left off, older and more mature.

mike finished out his last year at OU, and in 1999 he moved back home to mogadore.

in july of 2000, mike was hired on as a columbus fireman... and off he went again... leaving me behind.

i applied to one school for pharmacy school in 2002.

one.

the Ohio State University.

it was either meant to be or it wasn't.

(looking back... how stupid!)

on september 10, 2002, we ended our long distance relationship once and for all, and moved in together.

we moved on up to our deluxe apartment in the sky.

Lithopolis, where life was simple.

and normal. and easy. and about each other.

there we stayed for 6 years, practically living on top of each other in that small apartment.

he finally proposed and in 2004 we got married.

we got a  kitten named Zoey.

and another kitten named Ozzy.

and eventually we took in Bonz.

and became a 3 cat family.

what did we do with all our free time?

we watched a lot of TV, took a lot of naps, drank a lot of beer.

worked out whenever we wanted.

stayed up late and slept in til noon.

in april of 2008 i finally convinced mike that we were ready to start a family.

we had saved our money, and were starting the process to build a house.

i could get pregnant in april, and have the baby in February, just after we moved in to our new home.

i had it all planned out.
i honestly believed that i would get pregnant the first month.
all it takes is a sperm and an egg, right?

that's when our real journey began.

it seemed every friend, relative, co worker was pregnant except for us.
every month i was SURE it would be the month.
i convinced myself i had pregnancy symptoms every time.
i stood on my head.
we tried two-a-days.
i peed on hundreds of dollars of ovulation predictor sticks.
i wore a watch that told you your most fertile days.
everyone said just relax, it will happen.
how do you relax when the longer it goes on the more stressed you get?

we tried until december on our own, when we gave in and saw a fertility doctor.
she said nothing was wrong with either of us.

we did 5 cycles of clomid and IUI, no luck.
we would have 3 eggs and hundreds of millions of those little swimmers -- and NOTHING.

we took the summer off and tried to forget it all.

in august, after my mom pestered me for months, we saw Dr. Spirtos to get a second opinion.

he gave us hope, gave us answers, and by late october, we were pregnant with Eli after one cycle of (very expensive) injectable hormones and IUI.

we finally got our big break, our perfect baby, our family.

and like getting hit by a bus, i was hit with post partum depression.

not only was i hit, but mike was hit.

i couldn't take care of our baby, and mike was thrust into learning to be a dad VERY quickly.

mike spent day after day sitting next to me, trying to talk me out of my anxiety, telling me how i would get better, that i wasn't "stuck" that way forever.

i cried a LOT, and i spent a lot of time just sitting, staring, zoned out, anxious, biting my nails, biting my lips, not holding my baby, not wanting ANY of this.

but wait... it gets better. because i DID get better.

so much better, that less than a year later, we were back at dr. spirtos office, ready for round 2.

crazy, crazy fools.

we tried a few months of natural cycles.

a few months of drug-free cycles with IUI.

in september 2011 we did injectables again with IUI.

it only gave us 3 eggs, but 3 is a lot, depending on how you look at it.

it didn't work :(

the following month, feeling very defeated and very broke (we had not even paid for the previous cycle yet.), dr. spirtos gave us 2500 dollars worth of free drugs, from a local drug rep that had just been in the same day as me.

what a break.

with those free drugs... we got pregnant with Sam.

Turns out, post partum depression can also be present in pregnancy.

That's why they call it peri-natal mood disorders...ugh, now you tell me.

Here we were again, with the same symptoms... now with a 15 month old to take care of and a tiny little baby inside me that needed even more taken care of.

my pregnancy was filled with anxiety, which mostly meant that i was an irritable bitch and crazy emotional the whole 9 months.

a lot of husbands may have left me the way i acted when i was pregnant.

and here it is ... august 6th, 2012.

we have Eli and we have Sam.

 we have no more infertility because we are DONE.

 we have no more perinatal mood disorders at this point.

(until menopause, watch out!)

on this august 6th, we are ready to get back to our life together, before it was rudely interrupted by all the unforeseen problems we faced for 4 years.

we are ready to move forward with our family of 4.

we are ready to raise our 2 boys together, like we always wanted.

we certainly did not get here the story book way we dreamed of it all.

and yes, there are FAR worse problems that people face every day.

this august 6th feels extra special, maybe because i am feeling extra grateful.

18 years together.

in hollywood years, that's like a lifetime and 1/2.

if mike hadn't been willing to ride this emotional roller coaster with me, i don't know where we would be.

so here's to 18 more years...
by then our boys will be off to college and we can get back to sleeping in, drinking lots of beer, and watching a LOT of tv.
i look at these two young people

and i wish someone could have told us to be patient.
it's not about how fast you get there,
it's about what's waiting on the other side.