normal

losing someone you love hurts. 

for me, it hurts even more to watch the people i love losing him also.

he was my grandpa.

imagine losing your father?

imagine losing your husband of 66 years?

i can't imagine. 

but we aren't imagining it. we are living it, and figuring it out one day at a time.

here i am back in columbus, seperate from everyone i love in the Lansinger family.

maybe it's easier here? 

but it's strange to just carry on like things are "normal". 

it's strange to think about home. 

it sort of feels like none of this really happened. 

so today we did what we do best. 

me, sammy, and eli.

we hung out. 

we hung out and took pictures of it.



eli pulled his little brother in the wagon til he just couldn't pull anymore.
and sammy was just as content as could be.

he got a little cozy as a wagon passenger.

and took himself a little snooze.

we got ourselves together this afternoon and went to see santa at station 1.

eli was all about santa all day. 

i will sit on santa's lap.

i will ask him for a tractor.

once santa called his name, he ran up there to get his present. 

it was all good until i lifted him onto santa's lap.

not.a.fan.

but he was a fan of his present of course.

maybe next year.