parenting "bliss"

little boy got his wig busted.

little boy is turning into such a big boy.

sigh.

have you read the parenting blog about "don't carpe diem."?

here is the link. -- if you have time. it's good.

basically it talks about how everywhere you go, someone is telling you to ENJOY every moment.

It won't be like this for long.

 Be happy.

Making you feel like you should be living every moment with an intense feeling of gratitude.

And after trying to get pregnant for as long as we did, i feel like i live with that feeling of gratitude much more often than the normal person.

i wanted children more than anything, and some days i can't believe i got my wish -- twice.

and they are mine. Mike and mine. our genes. half him, half me.

it does give me a blissful feeling. i know i'm lucky.

however...

somedays... it is exhausting!

like last friday.

eli had his tetanus shot wednesday, and friday morning he was a little fussy.

to be expected, right?

but then he would be walking and STOP dead in his tracks and scream for me to pick him up.

????????

all. day. long.

if he did walk a little, he was standing on his tip-toes.

this continued through saturday. no fever. ???????

ibuprofen wasn't making a difference.

so i turned to dr. google and decided that eli was paralyzed from his tetanus shot.

and maybe having hallucinations.

never had i wanted him to be able to talk (in sentences) more.

sunday... after watching him closely... mike and i decided mr eli was, in fact, scared of his shadow.

o.m.g.

so we walked thru the house all day sunday while i held his hand and showed him my shadow with my hand. he would walk, but only with his momma holding his hand. (how cute. how annoying!)

by monday, he forgot all about it.

so yeah, like i said, sometimes i have that blissful feeling,

other times i think  --- WHAT have i got myself into????

 There is ANOTHER one coming??

how do i hold the big ones hand all day while rocking/changing/feeding a itty bitty baby??

Dump a little hormone induced anxiety on top of that normal kind of worry... i can tell you that i did not spend the last 2 months living in every moment.

i was trying to get through the moment.

that is why this article really hit home for me.

especially this part... 

I think parenting young children (and old ones, I've heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they've heard there's magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking. They try because even though it hurts and it's hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard. These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they literally cried most of the way up.

And so I think that if there were people stationed, say, every thirty feet along Mount Everest yelling to the climbers -- "ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF!? IF NOT, YOU SHOULD BE! ONE DAY YOU'LL BE SORRY YOU DIDN'T!" TRUST US!! IT'LL BE OVER TOO SOON! CARPE DIEM!" -- those well-meaning, nostalgic cheerleaders might be physically thrown from the mountain.


 

being a parent is tough work.

lots harder than i thought it would be.

being pregnant is hard work too.

especially this time around.

but now that i am feeling better, and looking back a little, i can tell you that having anxiety, whether post partum or during pregnancy, or for anyone anytime...

it becomes like climbing mount everest with a blind fold, so you can't even enjoy the views.

but i made it to the top, and my blind fold is off...

and i like where i'm at.

 here i am with this little boy (yes, a little BOY, not a baby anymore) who is so cute and so smart and so ornery and so much fun.

and oh so quirky.

and there is another little boy inside my belly kicking and jabbing.

we are really doing this again.

i hope little sammy is just like his big brother eli. 

and if he is totally different, that will be so much fun too.

i really think it is impossible to ENJOY every moment of working full time and having a toddler with  no nanny or cleaning lady or personal chef.

When people say they enjoy EVERY moment, they are lying.

do you really enjoy temper tantrums and diaper blow outs??

i don't.

and sometimes i think i am guilty on this blog of only talking about those "blissful" moments.

But it really does go by so fast... and i can't believe sometimes when i look at this face

 when, again, did this happen??

when did his face start getitng a little less baby fat??

when did he get so tall and grown up?

before i know it he will be driving and liking girls and not wanting his momma to protect him from his shadow.

(but you KNOW i will tell that girl that his momma had to protect him from his shadow!)

this little boy is the center of our universe...

how we fit another into our universe is yet to be determined.

i can tell you now that eli will not move over to make room,  or atleast not willingly.

i'm hoping he won't have to, and the two of them will fit nicely right in the center together.

so much excitement is yet to come.
is it spring yet?